I Didn’t Stop…

“Small deeds done are better than great deeds planned.”
– Peter Marshall

homeless

Yesterday I was coming home from a quick run to Whole Foods. The weather was perfect and I thought it would be a great day to have an “Indian Summer” dinner with burgers and dogs. I’m pretty fussy with my meat and I normally won’t buy it at the “regular” grocery store because I want it to be “clean” and if possible, grass fed, local, etc. I know it is a luxury not everyone can afford but since we rarely eat meat (husband is a veggie) it’s a worthy splurge in my world.

So – I bought some local beef and some organic hot dogs. On the way home I noticed a woman standing on the corner. She had a sign and her head hung pretty low. I watched her while I sat at the light – BUT I DID NOT STOP.

I didn’t stop. 🙁

Sometimes it’s just too damn much. Maybe it was the despair I felt when I saw her sitting there. This is a very suburban area that tends to be untouched by homelessness. However, in the past year or so I’ve noticed someone occupying that corner more and more frequently. If I have cash – I stop. Even if I don’t have cash I try to make eye contact and smile. After all – these are just people that deserve human kindness.

Not yesterday.

I just drove by.  Sometimes it feels like I am all alone in this effort…and the weight of that awesome responsibility is just too much to bear.  Am I the only one that notices the lone woman sitting there with her face hidden by her hair – sad, dejected, hungry – and stops to make a difference? I guess I was just tired yesterday and I didn’t want to look.  Or – maybe it was bitterness, realizing that even if I helped her it wouldn’t make a real difference – someone would simply step in and take her place – and the cycle would continue.

Sometimes, I feel like doing this “Kindness Project” is just a waste. I am one very small person in a gigantic world full of unfairness and cruelty. My reach is extremely limited by time, money and geography.   I feel powerless to make any real difference.

Yet I push on.

Sometimes I win – and the time, resources, energy and love I share just fill me up.  Other times – like yesterday – I turn a blind eye and continue on my way.  Maybe someone else came up in my place and gave that homeless woman a smile, or some money, and took action where I turned away.  Maybe no one did anything and she left that corner as cold and hungry as she was when she arrived.

All I know is what I did.

Nothing.

Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

 


12 Responses to I Didn’t Stop…

  1. I struggle with this. There have been a few different people by the King Soopers in my neighborhood with signs about family, lost job, hungry, need food for family, etc. By the looks on their faces, I felt they were at their wits end and this was their last straw. On two different occasions, I invited the people into King Soopers with me so I could buy them groceries. I want to know where the money is going. Both times the people went FIRST to the cigarette counter. When I refused to purchase, the first man called me awesome names and left. The second man said OK and guess where he went next – the liquor aisle. Yep. You got it. I did not buy that, either. He, too, said some awesome things and turned and walked out. At another corner, I gave a man $5 I had in my car. I turned and got gas. Next thing you know, he’s walking to the parking lot getting into a BRAND NEW MERCEDES! So no – I do not stop. I do not acknowledge. These few may have ruined it for many, but I prefer to donate to local soup kitchens and charities that I’ve researched and I know where the money, food, and clothing goes.

    • I totally hear ya. I think the hard part is knowing that you’re better off walking away. I hate to see the face of despair and then turn my head. However, I agree that donating to local charities that you know can do good is the better way to spend your money. Our annual Care & Share food drive at my kiddos elementary started last week and I always donate there AND get my kids involved too. Giving is a family affair.

  2. Money should be not be given to panhandlers because you really don’t know what it’s used for plus many times this is an easy way to make money. Money should be donated to local communities who provide food and shelter for people who really need it. These organizations know how to be fiscally responsible and reach as many people as possible. Many panhandlers practice that dejected look to increase money people will give them. Add a dog and/or a child, and it works even better (I’ve seen it so I know what I’m talking about). Instead of money to panhandlers, give them a card with the local charity resources and give your money to those resources. I’m a huge supporter of our community services.

    • Completely agree. It’s just hard for me to turn my back on the “human” element of it all – especially if there is a dog or kiddo involved. I know deep down though that it is better for me to donate my time and money to reputable charities that I KNOW will help and use resources the best way possible.

  3. I applaud the fact that you were brave and strong enough to admit you did nothing.

    If I gave everytime I saw a need everyday
    I would have nothing to pay my bills!

    So it is a total heart-breaking &
    Huge
    Catch-22!!!!

    Thank
    You for your courage!

    • Thanks – I hear ya. If I gave every time my heart twitched I would be broke too. It’s a tough call to go with your heart and ignore your head OR ignore your heart and go with your head. There has to be a middle ground and I’m trying to find it.

  4. Have worked with the homeless and the fact is, most could get help from social services but many do not want to. Those who hold signs may genuinely need help and on occasion I will offer to buy food they want, and have even gotten them a couple nights stay in a clean motel room.

    Sadly some people are not as needy as they want you to believe. In fact a couple people we have encountered make a good $100 a day and already have a small place as well as other income.

    With winter coming I go to Walmart and buy tube socks in big packs and hand out a couple pair to some hermits I know who are vets who because of fear of enclosed areas live in the mountains near me in rustic set up they have made for themselves.

    • I think it’s awesome that you give and give practically. I’m sure the vets appreciate your gesture and the warmth of the socks more then you know. When it’s obvious there is a need it’s very hard to just walk away.

  5. Dont beat yourself up. It happens. I notice folks needing help on a corner and would help them but, am in the wrong lane or they just dont seem to want to make contact with me. We all have our moments and plus some folks really dont need help and are just scamming people. I try to help when and where I can but, I too only have so much money I can give. You were very brave to actually put this out where people can either be cruel or kind.

    • I think one of the benefits of this “kind year” is that fact that the whole experience followed me. No – I didn’t stop physically – but I did spend a better part of the day thinking about the experience and wondering what it really means to turn a blind eye. Was I wrong or just like the other 99% that show but kept going? I’ve begun to hold myself to a different standard BECAUSE of this year – and while it sometimes hurt to realize I’m not always moving down a straight path – I also know it’s reality to hit bumps and detours along the way. Maybe next time I’ll make a different choice – whether that is stopping as an individual OR contributing more to the charities I support. It’s always a choice…

  6. Ugh I have a hard time with this. I watched a man beg on a corner for a year and always felt guilty I never stopped and gave money. Then one day I was getting lunch at the galleries and watched as this man stood in front of me and belittled and berated the 16 year old cashier flinging insults at her left and right for her not supersizing it properly. Meanwhile flipping through a wad of cash that was filled with 20s. I quickly told the young girl to ignore the insults from an obviously miserable person and tipped her for dealing with his ignorance. I’ll stick to helping the local food pantry.

    • I think this is a great comment. You saw a person daily for a year – and felt guilt that you didn’t give of yourself to help more. That was an image of that person – something you fabricated in your head – complete with hunger, cold, and a sad back story. Then – by chance – you got to see that “real” person – and realized they weren’t to be pitied or helped but an ugly, angry, unhappy person that was content to further spread their despair. You were right to stand up for the cashier and change your perception. Sometimes reality stinks. You can only do what you can do….

Tell me, tell me...