One Year + 16 Days
Mother’s Day Past
There are some days when you should just stay home. About four years ago, with my husband out of town for some 12 week stint; I was solo with the kids on Mother’s Day. So we joined friends for brunch. Normally, I wouldn’t have attempted to take my three and five-year old children clothing shopping, but the restaurant was RIGHT NEXT DOOR to Title Nine where I had a gift card that was wailing to be spent every time I opened my wallet.
Already hopped up on sticky stale buffet pastries, the kids behaved for the first ten minutes or so. There was even a few toys. But, the minute I put my head behind the changing curtain, it digressed quickly. The youngest started to make laps around the store and the oldest began to climb into the clothing racks. Annoyed, I corralled them gave them a stern directive and tried to jump in and out of clothes as fast as possible. Undaunted the kids had now digressed to arguing about the toys—loudly.
My stress level was increasing. I had my head halfway out of the changing room while simultaneously hopping around pulling on jog bras and dresses.
About that time, a man standing near my children turned to a woman and said, “they sure are whiners.”
I should have just left it because he did have a point, but in my state of heightened anxiety, I completely lost my cool. I gave him a tongue lashing that included words like, “that wasn’t very nice, their military father is out of town and I had no choice to bring them….” and so on for about a minute or two.
He was standing there the whole time looking perplexed and when I finally stopped the rant, he said, “What are you talking about?”
I snapped back, “you said my kids were whiners”
As if delivering a line in a sitcom, he turned toward me to reveal a pair of shorts he was holding, “I SAID these shorts don’t have any liners.”
Oh Crap
I apologized awkwardly and profusely with the whoosh whoosh of blood pounding in my ears and promptly hid in the changing room until they left while my kids continued to act like, well—whiners, just outside.
I can laugh now about hearing what I expected to hear, not what was actually said. I still can get all uppity particularly when it comes to my kids, but the experience did teach me that there is nothing I need to buy badly enough to drag small children into a clothing store. It can wait, or I can buy it used online.
Mother’s Day Present(s)
I have been on the waiting list at the local library for about four months for “Lets Pretend This Never Happened” written by The Bloggess (aka: Jenny Lawson). Since she has about 46 bazillion followers (I rounded up to the nearest bazillion), you’ve probably heard of her. If you are one of the four people left on the planet that hasn’t; I think she is the funniest writer of our day. Although, I often feel a teeny bit like I’m digging through someone’s dirty laundry and getting a glimpse of something I shouldn’t when I read her stuff, but it’s funny laundry.
Anyway, I was in a group of mothers waiting for their children last week and a woman passed me holding the book. I excitedly asked her how she was enjoying it, like I was at an impromptu book club. She gave me her review, and then held it out to me, “I just finished it, you can have it.”
I read it in one sitting and I might have given myself a hernia laughing….no really. I diagnosed it with WebMD.
I would now like to share the love with one of you. That’s right, I’m going to do a Mother’s Day book giveaway of a used book, some random stranger gave me outside of gymnastics. That’s how I roll.
This book can be YOURS! Just make your wishes to win it known to me.
If you would like to enter for a chance to win, make yourself known to me either in the comment section below or on Facebook. I’ll draw the winner next week.
The other present is this link to a fabulous cover of “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” by as yet undiscovered star Bridgitte Raven a mom of three who has decided to “get famous”. I love her attitude and I love this song. It’s worth clicking on or checking out her very funny blog.
BRIDGITTE RAVEN: GIRLS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN
Mother’s Day Future
I found them– the perfect family with the perfect project to take over this blog for The Simple Year 2. I have been agonizing over finding the exact right combination of engaging writer and amazing project for about two months.
I don’t want to say too much and steal their thunder (and this post is already too long), but you can expect to hear from Kandice as they start their VERY IMPRESSIVE year-long effort on or around May 20th.