Day 322

I had some difficulty getting home last weekend and had the pleasure of spending about seven hours in the Dallas/Ft. Worth Airport.  That’s a lot of time to fill.

I finished my book.

I ate lunch.

I checked Facebook obsessively.

I dozed off.

I traded my book for a magazine with another woman in the airport and then I read that. (I thought that was a rather clever Simple Year feat)

Then I turned my attention to all of those stores hawking their wares in the terminal.

No shortage of last minute gifts.

I’ve found airports in major cities are basically shopping malls behind security, offering beleaguered and delayed travelers the opportunity to impulse buy things like logoed coffee mugs, and hand-blown glass animals.

Do you know what? You can even buy  iPods out of vending machines.  That takes a lot of quarters.

Electronic devices out of a vending machine. What could go wrong?

In real life, I would never even give a second look to these types of gifts shops, but there is something about being trapped in the airport that leads to strange behavior. I actually found myself wishing I was still buying things, because I suddenly had a compulsion to own some of that cute Native American jewelry, and spent time lingering over the Kachina doll selection.

A Kachina doll?

I haven’t really had the impulse to buy many things over the last few months which is probably aided by the fact I stay out of most stores, other than those that sell groceries.  I realized that when in the right situation, I’m still not immune to the temptation to buy one of those cushy neck pillows that are somehow inexplicable priced 2 for $20. Who has two necks?

So, I finally escaped the den of consumer inequity or “terminal” as they call it, only to board the plane and have my eyes drawn to the SkyMall Magazine.  Do you know this catalog that is always found in the seat back pocket wedged in between the barf bag and the sticky safety instructions that no one actually “follows along with” as instructed?  Well, SkyMall magazine is like a greatest hits compilation of the mail order world with a variety of vendors offering wares  at 28,000 feet.  For instance you can buy something to train your cat to use the toilet. It comes with a DVD.  Also offered is the Torso Toner and Bottoms Up Boxer Brief which as far as I can tell are girdles for men.  And there is my personal favorite, the bacon throw and pillow.  Actually, the whole catalog is like the Ripley’s Believe it Or Not of the retail industry.

If you have somehow missed the SkyMall magazine, you can check out the online version here.  I’ve often wondered if the items are as interesting on solid ground as they are hurtling through the atmosphere.

So if you haven’t rushed off to read the catalog, I have an important question. Has anyone out there ever actually bought anything from that catalog?  I’ve looked at it at least a hundred times. I’ve even dog-eared the pages (usually after one or two of those tiny bottles of wine).  But, I have never actually purchased anything and to my knowledge I don’t know anyone who has.

But someone must or they wouldn’t still be in business.  Does anyone out there have a SkyMall confession they want to make?