Birthday parties have evolved a lot since I was a little kid in the 70’s. Back then they were almost always held at the birthday kid’s house, with homemade cupcakes and Pin the Tail on the Donkey. The occasional McDonald’s party felt like a special treat, even before the introduction of Chicken McNuggets.
Today, at least in my little corner of the world, it seems like every business offers a birthday party package. Hair salons. Bakeries. Movie theaters. Emma had her third birthday party at Stew Leonard’s, which bills itself as the World’s Largest Dairy Store. There’s money to be made off parents who don’t want the hassle of hosting a home party.
For the last two years, at Emma’s request, we’ve had her parties at our house. They’ve been fun and memorable, and also chaotic and stressful. This year, in keeping with my Simple Year goals, I made some changes, though in the spirit of honesty I’ll say I’m still pretty stressed and this does not feel at all simple. Here’s what I tried to do:
1) Think smaller. For the last couple years, we invited the Girl Scout troop, a few school friends, a few neighborhood friends, plus family. I ended up with about fifteen kids both times. It felt a bit like herding cats as we had to shift them from one room for eating and crafting to another room for games while keeping them out of the upstairs rooms. This year I limited it to her close friends. I feel a little guilty but the kids are getting too big for my small house. I also couldn’t bring myself to shell out $200 or more to have it at a place.
2) Explore alternatives to gifts. Recently Emma’s attended a few parties where donations were requested in lieu of gifts. Her friends have collected items for school supply drives and our local animal shelter. This year she agreed to request no gifts in exchange for items she can donate to our local food pantry. It’s easier for the parents of the kids who are coming to not have to shop for a gift as they can get something while grocery shopping. It helps our community, and I don’t have to struggle to find places for more toys. And I’m hoping Emma sees the value of this decision.
This was fun, but probably took more time than kids spent at the party.
3) Decorate for the kid, not yourself. I love planning parties, thinking about themes and food and decorations. But my expectations and desires for how I wanted things to look far exceeded Emma’s. Last week I was looking for decorations online and saw some cute things on Amazon. I called Emma in to ask if she liked them. “Sure,” she said, barely glancing at the screen as she ran back to her dolls. I felt peeved for a nanosecond, and then asked myself why I was going crazy when it wasn’t important to her. I decided to take my chances at the party store and didn’t order anything. I would like to tell you I got in and out of Party City in 15 minutes, but I’d be lying. I spent nearly an hour, putting stuff in my cart, returning it to the shelves, choosing other items, comparing different shades of pink. I would not be surprised if the employees thought I was shoplifting, or just nuts.
Posting this now is a bit premature, as the party hasn’t happened yet. There’s no wine in the house, which I am ok with right now, but I don’t know how I’ll feel later tonight after the last kid leaves. If I had to grade myself now I would certainly get a D, because 1) I devoted an awful lot of thinking to this party, and still feel like I failed a bit and 2) for the past few days I’ve been saying to myself, “I will deal with ____ after the party,” like it’s a wedding or surgery or something super-important. I’m not yet seeing the payoff of my attempts to simplify parties yet.