Giving Goodness & Grace – Farewell 2014

“Life is grace. Sleep is forgiveness. The night absolves. Darkness wipes the slate clean, not spotless to be sure, but clean enough for another day’s chalking.” 
― Frederick Buechner, The Alphabet of Grace

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Goodbye 2014 – Hello 2015.

I wanted to write a really eloquent post about 2014 and how doing the Kind Year changed me.  I was ready to wax poetic about how great it’s been, the joy I found in helping others and how the past 6 months have brought  so much good to my life.

But the words didn’t come.  I don’t think I can end the year (or start a new one) talking about the good without discussing the bad.

Yes – being part of this experience has been amazing.  It truly has.  It’s made me think outside the box, put others first, and try to BE the change I’d like to see in the world.

It’s also been hard, challenging and somewhat depressing.  What I do is never enough.  The changes I make feel small and ineffective.  When I look back at the past six months (I started the Kind Year in July 2014) I do not see a string of success but instead a series of actions that may or may not have made a difference.

Even my signature project – the Adopt a Family – felt insufficient after all was said and done.  Initially – I was so proud of the efforts and all that was accomplished with the support of friends, family and strangers.  Strangers!!! That was the coolest part for me – people who were not tied to me in any tangible way cared enough to be part of it  – and put in time and money to help.

I collected the money, very very carefully chose the kiddo gifts, struggled to do right by this small family and on delivery day felt like I’d really done something worthwhile.

Then – a day or two later – there was a post on one of my FB groups from another woman seeking to help a family. A call – if you will – for support from everyone in the group.  Suddenly – people came out of the woodwork.  Money was donated, gifts sent, help given – and in the end – this person raised over $1000 for the family she adopted.

I felt like crap.

Yes – I know I shouldn’t compare my experience to that of others.

Yes – what I did was good – but somehow this other woman – without even trying – made my efforts look weak and ineffective.  What’s is $200 worth of stuff to a family of 4 when this lady raised $1000 plus food and items?

I hate this.  The self doubt.  Suddenly, my “special” feels cheap. What I did probably wasn’t enough.  I wondered if my “adopted” family sat around on Christmas morning wishing they had more and feeling disappointed that I really didn’t come through for them.

ENOUGH ALREADY! STOP!

What am I doing?

Beating myself up.  Comparing myself to others. Assuming that people are disappointed, saddened and bereft because of me.

I don’t deserve this.  None of us do.

We (the collective us of Moms, Daughters, Wives) do the best we can.  Every. Single. Day.  We give and give and give until there is nothing left – and then dig down deep to our final reserves because someone we love needs us – for that last little give.

This is why I want to dedicate the month of January – the start of the New Year – to us.  The givers.  Those who try and try to do our best – but sometimes fail (for real or in our heads) and fall into a place of negativity and sadness as a result.

I’m here to tell you (and remind myself) that giving something – doing anything – is better than holding status quo.

On the cusp on this New Year – full of promise – I’m committing to kindness to all – including myself.

As we move into this year full of potential and promise – take a moment to look back at 2014.  Tell yourself you did good.  Give yourself the support you consistently give others.

You are worth it.  I am worth it.  We are worth it.

We just need a little grace.

 

 

 

 


9 Responses to Giving Goodness & Grace – Farewell 2014

    • Thanks for sharing – love your post and I’m now following your blog! 🙂 Let’s hope we can stay on track in 2015. Best of luck to us both!

  1. It sounds like a good way to move forward. Many of us probably totally relate to how you feel, both the sense of never enough and comparing to others. As I read what you wrote, a story from the Bible popped into my head. The wealthy man comes to the temple and rather proudly gives his percent. I can’t remember the amount. But the poor woman comes in humbly, and gives her last coin.

    I’m not saying the other woman was wealthy or that you are not. Just that your heart gave all. You care/cared for the family. To me that was a better lesson for the family too.

    It makes me have so many ideas I may have to write about it myself too. Its always been easier for me to write a check (figuratively) than to give time. What a gift that is to give someone.

    • Thank you so much for your kind words! It’s always good to look at things from different perspectives – and I can honestly say that every ounce of my heart went into helping my little adopted family. Maybe it wasn’t a lot – but everything I did was thought out with their best intentions in mind. And – please do write about your experiences – it brings them to life. 🙂

  2. Kim, I’d just like to encourage you from my own personal experience – I’ve been the mum of the family that had so very little at Christmas, and wondered how on earth I could make it a happy one for my kids. It was by the generosity of people known and unknown to me who showered love on us with their support and gifts – not extravagant by any means – and the monetary amount didn’t mean anywhere near as much as did knowing we were loved and cared for. Someone anonymously gave us $100, and it couldn’t have meant more if it was a million dollars. The fact that people were walking with us through our journey overshadowed anything of dollar value, and that’s what I’ve taken from that part of my journey and incorporated into my own life. I’ve only just discovered your blog so I’m not familiar with the story of your Kind Year, or adopted family, but I would encourage you to really explore the root of the ‘why’ you started what you did, and let that be the guide for doing what you’re doing. As Deanna said, you are enough, and your heart and actions will speak louder than any item or dollar note possibly could.

    • Thank you so much for sharing your story and perspective. It makes me feel so much better to know that – as a recipient – you valued everything and didn’t think money but instead love. I started this journey because I stood witness to a Mom’s grieving the day her son committed suicide – and I profoundly moved me. I wanted to bring that caring into everything I did. I don’t know if I succeeded but I’m trying – from the heart – and that is what matters. 🙂

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