Day 289

My youngest child returned from the mailbox last week waving something and shrieking, “It’s here, it’s here, my puzzle book I WON is here.”

“What are you talking about?” I asked.

Then she prattled on about getting three stickers that matched for her FREE Puzzle book and how excited she was–and then she actually reenacted her surprise at the three stickers matching with an elaborate pantomime.  Next, she gushed about how she never wins anything, more words, more words, more words…accompanied by hopping up and down in excitement.

Still confused, I was now inspecting the actual item which indeed appeared to be two puzzle books from Highlights magazine with an attached letter that very clearly said INVOICE ENCLOSED.

Congratulations, You have WON

Well, you only win ONE, you have to pay for the other and all subsequent books for as long as we can get away with.

Since I hadn’t ordered the book, I was having difficulty coming to terms with how in the world my seven year old managed to navigate the postal system and order the book on her own.

Although, I shouldn’t have been surprised, since at about the same age, her older sister was playing some online game and I checked in to find she had managed,  by clicking a series of links, to place a Webkinz stuffed toy in my Amazon cart and was headed to secure check out. I know, really secure, right?

 Now I remember.

After some questioning, I remembered a discussion I had with the college aged babysitter that was watching them over the holidays.  She mentioned the girls had entered a contest as well as sent in for a free book and tote from Highlights magazine.

At the time, I think I even asked if there was some catch and she said, “No, it said if they had the matching stickers they won it.”    I then got distracted by a squirrel or something and never pursued that line of questioning.

Anyway, Kelsey and the babysitter had apparently enrolled in Puzzlemania Puzzle Club promising that, “Each book in the Highlights Puzzle Club is packed with intriguing puzzles that kids love to solve.  A new set will every few weeks…prompt payment is appreciated.”   I was on the hook for this installment of $7.94 with more on the way at twice that price.

I grew up in the era of the BMG music club.  Remember those seductive brochures with all of the little album covers on them?   If you somehow missed this teenage rite of passage, basically when you signed up you got to pick 12 or so free CDs out of its catalog as long you agreed to purchase one.

Easy, Right?

This happened over a couple of months.  Here is the catch– BMG would then continue to mail you its CD of the month unless you sent them a card declining the offer. This CD was usually something by a band like The Soup Dragons which you would never actually pick out at a record store. And since the target audience was the very gullible or young adult slackers which as a group are typically too absent minded to keep up with the correspondence they would wind up owing $16 that they didn’t have, for a Lisa, Lisa and the Cult Jam CD.

I still had that Lisa, Lisa and the Cult Jam CD until a couple of years ago   But, I learned my lesson in the early 90’s and I hadn’t seen the music club format in years.  I guess while buying 12 CD’s for the price of one is a good deal, it still couldn’t compete with the internet’s pirate, I mean, share-all-you-want-for-free counteroffer.

So, I suppose now the ship-item-every-month-whether-you-want-it-or-not format now has been forced to change it target audience to children.  Or it is possible, it has always been around and this is the first time I’ve seen it.   We have a subscription to Highlights Magazine which was a gift, and this month I noticed they have a new offer of a FREE  BOOK, Mathmania with the same sort of small print.  And, I’ve got to say; it is a bit misleading, so I can’t really be irritated at the babysitter who at age 19 probably hasn’t had the opportunity to fully develop her sense of distrust. I’ll probably mention it to her at some point as I would hate for her to be the victim of a Ponzi scheme one day.  Sadly, I think we all need a healthy dose of suspicion in this day and age.

This month’s scheme, I mean, offer.

So back to my beaming child, I just didn’t feel right about rescinding THE MAJOR AWARD she is so sure she has won. So, I let her have it, wrote a check for the amount due and with great deliberation inscribed on the invoice, CANCEL CLUB MEMBERSHIP, underline, underline, underline.  That third underline–that will show them.