I’m not quite sure how to start this post. Because I don’t want to be writing it. Right now my heart is broken and I feel hollow. I wanted to be writing about happy Christmasy things. About how I refuse to buy any more wrapping paper. Like ever. Or about random acts of kindness.

But one of our dear friends is in the hospital fighting for her life. And she’s losing. Less than two weeks ago she went to the doctor because she was having digestion issues and her ankles and abdomen were swollen. Later that day she was admitted to the oncology unit, two huge masses on her liver, one in her liver and no diagnosis as to where the cancer originated, only that she had cancer and she was dying. The chemo was a hail mary pass that her liver didn’t catch. She won’t be with us much longer.

And my heart aches.

It aches for her. For her husband. For her children.

Her entire purpose in life was to be an amazing mom and wife. And she succeeded. She was both of those things and more. And I’m left wondering how such a bright light could grow so dim in such a short period of time.

I look at a book on my nightstand she loaned me just a few weeks ago. And it’s a reminder to me how life can turn upside down in an instant. One day it’s all normal and you’re doing your thing. And the next? You’re fighting against cancer for your life. And you’re making plans no 39 year old should be making a week before her 40th birthday. And you’re accelerating the celebration of Christmas with your kids because you don’t know if you’ll even be here 48 hours from now.

So when I sit down and think about writing about wrapping paper, I just can’t.

Instead, I’m going to wipe my tears and be unabashedly grateful. For her friendship. For my family. For life.

23 Responses to Perspective

  1. I lost a friend on August 6. She was a beautiful women and very young, 38, with 2 kids an an amazing husband. She fought hard, but that stupid cancer beat her. I know exactly how you feel and our pain will not go away. You need to be strong for her and make her laugh. God bless her and give her family and friends the strength to be strong around her. God has chosen her and she is very special. He always takes the good ones.

  2. Hello Kandice – My heart is aching too. You have written a beautiful tribute for you friend. It’s so hard to lose a good friend. I lost my friend Karen a few years ago, so I do know. I’ll keep all of you in my prayers. Love & Hugs, Carol

  3. Thank you for your honesty. I am sorry for your pain and grief, which so many feel this time of year. You, your friend and her family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

  4. Your family and hers will be in my prayers – may you all feel the peace of Christ during this very difficult time. All the more proof that is it not the things in our lives that matter, but the people we love and cherish.

  5. And that’s really what it’s all about…valuing the people in our lives and not letting stuff get in the way of that. God bless you and help you through this tragic loss.

  6. Oh, my heart is so heavy. I am praying for your friend and for her dear family — and for you, as your try to process all of this. We aren’t guaranteed anything, are we? In fact, the Bible tells us “In this life you will have troubles, but take heart – I have overcome the world!!” What an amazing promise – one that I hope you can cling to in the difficult days ahead.

    Hugs to you, my friend.

  7. Our thoughts are with you & your friend & her family. You wrote a loving tribute to your friend and the strong friendship you’ve shared with her. Be strong, be honest, be loving. Sending hugs.

  8. I’m so very sorry to hear about your friend and am praying for her. I pray that she and all those who love her will know the comfort and peace that only comes from knowing the one who created her and loved her so much that He gave his only son, whose birth we will celebrate in a couple of days. This is why He came, so that we may have eternal life. Death is a part of this earthly life, yet it is so hard to understand why one so young is dying, but I would recommend the book “A Grace Revealed” by Jerry Sittser, who lost his wife, mother, and daughter in an auto accident. May God bless you and keep you.

  9. I’m so sorry to hear about your friend. It’s always such a shock when these things happen ,especially to someone dear to us. It’s a painful reminder of how precious life is. That we really do need to life each day to fullest, what ever that is for us. My thoughts go out her and her family and you and yours.

  10. I am so sorry to hear about this young mother, and I am sorry for the loss you are feeling. I truly do know how you feel: on Thanksgiving day, my Mom’s brother got sick and was taken to the ER. Ten days later, they removed the ventilator and let him slip away because the cancer was past any treatment. And only a month before that, my dear friend Paul went to the hospital with pneumonia. They found the lung cancer and he also lived only ten days after he was admitted. Cancer is no respecter of persons and we just don’t know which of us will be next. God bless you.

  11. My heart breaks for you! There is nothing worse then losing someone you love but at the holiday’s it is 10x worse. My thoughts and prayers go out to you, her family but mostly to her kids who don’t understand why mommy isn’t coming home. I’ve been lucky my mom has come home (she has had cancer 4x) and my father in law isn’t doing well but I think God everyday that they are still here. My heart goes out to you all at this time.

  12. That is a very, very sad thing. It doesn’t seem fair nor not nearly enough time to provide the depth of closure needed for this family or her friends. Sending my thoughts and strength to all of you during this very, very difficult time. xo

  13. ‘Grief never ends…But it changes. It’s a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith…It is the price of love.’ :unknown author. (Liver cancer took my dear Grama several years back.)

  14. Pingback: High Hopes for 2014 | The Simple Year

  15. My spouse has fought cancer the past two years noww and this…. this …is my worst nightmare. Every day I wonder if it will come back this year. And if it comes back it will probably be a losing battle.
    so very sorry for what you are going through.

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