Smelly pits are HIGHLY overrated

Once upon a time, I came to you guys all, this is so embarrassing but I totally stink, you were all, hey, we can help!, and you did, and now I don’t stink anymore. So thank you.

The end.

Well, that’s the gist of it, anyway.

Here’s the specifics:

I pondered all of the comments, trying to figure out what would be the most zero waste with the best shot of working for my situation, and finally decided to go with the crystal. I liked that it has one ingredient — potassium alum (mineral salt) —  and that it seems to last everyone who uses it forever. When I looked into it further and started reading comments on Amazon (I mean, right?), there were some people who claimed to have been using theirs for four years … or even more.

Okay, then, crystal deodorant it was.

Armed with a general idea of what I was looking for, I hit the grocery store. I love my store because it has the most random, crazy things … and I was not disappointed on the crystal deodorant front.

What I was not expecting were two different options, like so:

Large crystal or small crystal?

Large crystal or small crystal?

Also, what is up with this picture? The guy is all, I have huge muscles! and the girl is like, I have a crystal, it tells me secrets. Sorta creepy.

Bonus fun: Caption this logo!

Option one was a large crystal that only cost a buck more, but it came in some sort of vinyl plastic bag … wrapped in plastic-coated cardboard … with a plastic dish.

Hard to justify on the zero waste front.

So I went with option two, the small crystal in what I thought was a deodorant twist-tube kind of ordeal. It isn’t at all — the crystal sits in a holder of sorts and has a screw-on lid to keep it safe. And apparently keeping it safe is priority number one with this thing, as it can shatter if it’s dropped.

Which is why when I use it, I treat it with a care and reverence usually reserved for newborns.

Anyway, also thanks to your comments, I learned the best way to use it is straight out of the shower, when my underarms are still wet. Swipe swipe swipe, let them air dry, go get dressed: That’s my new routine.

The thing about this that really gets me is that my stink was so stinky, but the crystal began working immediately. I expected it to take a few days — and yeah, I smelled much better on day three than I did on day one, but it was such a relief to take a covert pit sniff and not smell anything.

And now I don’t even feel compelled to sniff. I know I smell fine.

An unexpected perk of this whole ordeal is that the underarm irritation I’ve been fighting my entire life (?) has cleared up. I was kind of blaming it on my razor, but it turns out it was just my deodorant.

I’ve decided that even though the crystal is packaged in plastic, it’s a decent minimal waste option, if not zero waste. I expect that it will last a long time, it’s less packaging than a traditional deodorant stick (just because it’s about a third of the size), and … I mean, I don’t stink. That has done wonders for my self esteem.

I also went with this option, let’s be honest, because I didn’t have the time to shop around and try to find one that wasn’t wrapped. The number one lesson with zero waste is that you have to be committed to letting things take the time they need to unfold — and while I’m okay with that in theory, sometimes in practice it’s hard. Especially when you’re so embarrassed by your smell.

I may have failed you guys and your expectations is what I’m saying. But wow, I am so glad to have found one of these crystals at all. Since there is a very real risk of this thing shattering, however, I am keeping an eye out for an unwrapped crystal. I’ll let you know if I ever manage to find one.

Next up: I’ve realized, slightly belatedly, that we passed the three month mark last week. It’s evaluation time — on Friday.

5 Responses to Smelly pits are HIGHLY overrated

  1. You got some after all! yay! so fun to read your stories, and your writing voice is coming through loud and clear. love it!

  2. Someone may already have mentioned this, but be super careful to never use the crystal when you’re dirty/sweaty. It works great, but, if you use it while you’re gross, it will get gross and stay that way forever. I had to toss my last one because of it 🙁

    • Thank you — good tip! I was under the impression that the crystal killed bacteria and was therefore smell-proof. I have so far only used it after a shower … and I will keep it that way. Sorry you had to learn the hard way — I bet that was really disappointing.

    • I’ve never had this problem and I pretty much only use my crystal deodorant when I’m gross, as I don’t wear deodorant unless I am in a nasty state, as my skin tends to be irritated by the crystal deodorant if I use it every day. I did find that using “green” laundry soaps caused a stink to build up in the arm pits of my clothes. I have now gone back to All Free and Clear, as I prefer to not wear deodorant at all and save my skin, and it’s nasty to have your clothes stink (especially when your armpits don’t!). I buy the ultra concentrated or jumbo containers to decrease the footprint, and they also make a powder (which I don’t use due to sensitivities to SLS).

Tell me, tell me...