The Runner

DAY 38

We have a hand-me-down dog.  And, while I would like say that this was all part of my larger Simple Year plan, it’s really just a coincidence.  We actually got Jack, the black lab-ish retriever, last October from the Humane Society somewhere deep in the heart of West Texas.

He had been there since February.  Which is WHY, in my opinion, he should be a little more grateful about his current living situation.  But, while sweet and friendly, he’s as sharp as a marshmallow; except when it comes to figuring out ways to run out the front door, at which point he channels his inner greyhound and “runs like hell”.

He also seems to have some inner gauge that causes him to do this at the absolute most inopportune time.  The last time Jack dashed off on his own personal Iditarod was a morning in which I had a meeting, Kelsey had a field trip and Kayla had a morning tea to celebrate England, (or

Mr. Thankless

something that required her to dress in party clothes and insist on a fancy hairstyle which added about 15 minutes to the morning routine).   As I stood there in the driveway, having only had 6 hours of sleep (this, I am finding is not uncommon when you are a working mother with a deployed husband) with the kids loaded, I actually contemplated driving away.

I may have even said it aloud-and my kids heard it.  At which point they cried and I felt bad (this, I’m finding is ALSO not uncommon when you are a working mother with a deployed husband).

So off I ran after the ingrate.   I caught him about a quarter of a mile away, joyously cavorting down a walking path.  I am new to this neighborhood, so I can only imagine my neighbors reaction as a strange woman in  black pumps and a lilac twin set, half dragged, half carried, a 70 pound dog down the walking path while simultaneously letting loose a string of expletives that would have made Eminem blush.

After much consideration, this evening, I went online and ordered one of those shocking collars, second hand, like the dog.  Incidentally, there were 5,903 used “training” collars, which I find- well, shocking.  Now, several of you are going to think I am the problem, not the dog and still others are going to message me with “gentle” ways for me to train my dog, at which point I will ignore you—or invite you over– to chase the dog.


10 Responses to The Runner

  1. We experienced that many times with Blackie. We tried electric fences, private dog training lessons…finally we built a fenced courtyard so she would still be contained. Now at 13, with a torn ACL, and on 2 pain meds, we wish she could joyfully run. (though there were many times in the last 12 years, we wished she would run…and keep running!) Good luck with that one! Blackie never slowed, until this injury about 4 months ago!

  2. Our previous dog was the same way and came to us after he was (an estimated) 5 years old. It takes a long time for some dogs to define their territory and be comfortable within it. Sampson would do the same thing when he had the opportunity, he would just run and explore. He did eventually realize what (and who) home was the running slowed and eventually stopped.

    No shame in the shock collar for negative reinforcement. There are tracking collars available as well if you struggle with the training collar. Let me know and I can help install the ground wires.

  3. Just discovered your blog courtesy of “Becoming Minimalist” and loving it. I’m a vaguely minimialist father of two (9, 5) and so much of this rings true.

    But more than that, I really enjoy your writing style. So this comment is just to call out “he’s as sharp as a marshmallow” as my quote of the week :) .

  4. I got lost. What does “a strange woman in black pumps and a lilac twin set” mean? What is a “lilac twin set”? I got that pumps are shoes.

  5. Pingback: Updates | The Simple Year

  6. I have a Great Pyrenees rescue. They love to run. Supposedly,
    if you drop to the ground they will run back to see if you are ok. A fellow Pyr owner did that and her Pyr continued to run like the wind. She got up, chased the dog, fell in a hole and broke her femur. The dog still didn’t come back.

  7. “ordered” a collar…..wait thought you committed a couple weeks before this post to NOT buying ANYTHING….even second hand, even off the internet…even

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