Birthday parties have evolved a lot since I was a little kid in the 70’s. Back then they were almost always held at the birthday kid’s house, with homemade cupcakes and Pin the Tail on the Donkey. The occasional McDonald’s party felt like a special treat, even before the introduction of Chicken McNuggets.
Today, at least in my little corner of the world, it seems like every business offers a birthday party package. Hair salons. Bakeries. Movie theaters. Emma had her third birthday party at Stew Leonard’s, which bills itself as the World’s Largest Dairy Store. There’s money to be made off parents who don’t want the hassle of hosting a home party.
For the last two years, at Emma’s request, we’ve had her parties at our house. They’ve been fun and memorable, and also chaotic and stressful. This year, in keeping with my Simple Year goals, I made some changes, though in the spirit of honesty I’ll say I’m still pretty stressed and this does not feel at all simple. Here’s what I tried to do:
1) Think smaller. For the last couple years, we invited the Girl Scout troop, a few school friends, a few neighborhood friends, plus family. I ended up with about fifteen kids both times. It felt a bit like herding cats as we had to shift them from one room for eating and crafting to another room for games while keeping them out of the upstairs rooms. This year I limited it to her close friends. I feel a little guilty but the kids are getting too big for my small house. I also couldn’t bring myself to shell out $200 or more to have it at a place.
2) Explore alternatives to gifts. Recently Emma’s attended a few parties where donations were requested in lieu of gifts. Her friends have collected items for school supply drives and our local animal shelter. This year she agreed to request no gifts in exchange for items she can donate to our local food pantry. It’s easier for the parents of the kids who are coming to not have to shop for a gift as they can get something while grocery shopping. It helps our community, and I don’t have to struggle to find places for more toys. And I’m hoping Emma sees the value of this decision.
This was fun, but probably took more time than kids spent at the party.
3) Decorate for the kid, not yourself. I love planning parties, thinking about themes and food and decorations. But my expectations and desires for how I wanted things to look far exceeded Emma’s. Last week I was looking for decorations online and saw some cute things on Amazon. I called Emma in to ask if she liked them. “Sure,” she said, barely glancing at the screen as she ran back to her dolls. I felt peeved for a nanosecond, and then asked myself why I was going crazy when it wasn’t important to her. I decided to take my chances at the party store and didn’t order anything. I would like to tell you I got in and out of Party City in 15 minutes, but I’d be lying. I spent nearly an hour, putting stuff in my cart, returning it to the shelves, choosing other items, comparing different shades of pink. I would not be surprised if the employees thought I was shoplifting, or just nuts.
Posting this now is a bit premature, as the party hasn’t happened yet. There’s no wine in the house, which I am ok with right now, but I don’t know how I’ll feel later tonight after the last kid leaves. If I had to grade myself now I would certainly get a D, because 1) I devoted an awful lot of thinking to this party, and still feel like I failed a bit and 2) for the past few days I’ve been saying to myself, “I will deal with ____ after the party,” like it’s a wedding or surgery or something super-important. I’m not yet seeing the payoff of my attempts to simplify parties yet.
I am already loving your year at the helm! Your posts are often and realistic and spot on about life. Keep up the good work!
Thank you! I’m glad you are enjoying it!
Good luck!!
I’m quite the same, although my kids are only 6 and almost 4. We had 16 3-6yr olds at our eldest’s party back in Jan. It was chaos, but they mostly entertained themselves with one game of a pass-the-parcel alternative and one game of musical bumps. I hand made all the (very simple) food and there were no decorations or party bag (they took home a slice of cake).
And you know what, the kids had a ball. Not one kid asked where the party bags were!!
In two weeks littlest is having something similar … with fewer kids, lol!!
Loving your writing and inspiration. Thank you 🙂
Thank you for reading and for the feedback! I appreciate it! I think we parents are the ones who think we need all this decor and favors and fancy food- the kids have fun regardless. That’s something I want to remember for next year.
Love this post. My oldest (turning 6) has her birthday in April and we are already talking about which venue to book….but darn they cost a lot and although that’s what we have done in previous years I’m just not “feeling” it this year. Maybe we will limit the # and adopt your simple rule and just have it at home. Can’t wait to hear how it went. Hope you have some pictures to share with us of your I’m sure lovely decorations!
My decorations were way simpler this year- I didn’t write it in the post but I was about to lose it while hanging streamers because I still had so much to do. My husband took over and they looked great. The girls did have a great time though, I made candy sushi which seemed to be the biggest hit.
I too have always done very simple birthday parties and my kids are no worse for the wear and have never really cared. They would typically have 5-7 friends, plus siblings, balloons for the birthday chair, a birthday sign (as they got older it was always the same one reused over and over). I baked a cake because I like to bake and am not willing to shell out $20 for something I can make for $5….note: decorating the cake with frosting and with candy is easy and the kids love it! I even once made a donut cake for my son who doesn’t like cake, basically stacked a dozen donuts, added a few sprinkles and candles and it was done. We now have birthday desert instead of the required cake as all my kids are not big cake fans. By age 10 most of my kids stopped having parties and would just invite a friend to go out to dinner with us or have a friend sleepover, no gifts. Birthdays were never a big deal to me but I know to others they may be a big deal. So if you and your child enjoy a big birthday then go for it but if it just stresses you out you should consider cutting back.
Next year she will be 9 and that seems to be when the sleepovers start- and I am fine with a sleepover. I have no plans to ever hang another streamer! 🙂
Happy Birthday E
Thanks! 🙂
Happy birthday to your daughter & we have always just done family (us, grandparents, aunts/uncles, cousins), & occasionally the random, single friend. No themes, gift bags, or destinations-yes for cake, gifts, good wishes….our kids are 13, 12, & 8 so not entirely raised, but seem to be OK. They think they might be deprived, but I tell them we are just giving them things to complain about when they’re grown!
I’d love to have a more family-oriented party and I know she would love it too. It’s hard in our case because our families aren’t local. When I was a kid I only had relatives over too and got to choose the food, which made me happy.
It’s a journey, don’t be hard on yourself. I hope everything goes smoothly for you, I hope your daughter gives you a big hug at bedtime and tells you how much she loved the day.
Good luck!
She did, she was really happy. Thanks! 🙂
I simplified years ago after one $450 Chuck e cheese birthday party..insane! We’ve been doing it at home ever since. Crafts are simple, goodie bags contain the craft they made plus sugar cookies I make from scratch and they decorate. Saves the moms from throwing away all the little kitschy crap kids don’t need anyway. Sleepovers the last two years have been 9-10 girls, frozen pizza, cupcakes, and decorate your own cookies. The girls make up enough entertainment on their own now that I have little planning to do. Easy peasy! No themes, no party store supplies, and she is happy every time. Good luck to you. Downsize your efforts and you will get even better results!!
Thanks! I loathe all those stupid little party favors! This year I bought scarves the girls could wear as makeshift kimonos- they were cheap and they also served as the favors. The scarves were surprisingly nice so I figure the moms can ‘borrow’ them if they want, and no junk to end up in a landfill!
Great post! For the second year in the row my daughter invited 3 closest friends to her birthday which was held at our house. There was good food, cupcakes and tons of balloons. The kids had a lot of fun and everyone was happy, myself included. I just don’t support the concept of lavish birthday parties with countless kids. Not going to happen. 🙂
I think it also gets easier as they get older, and learning about what they prefer. This was the first year she had more control over the guest list and she wanted a smaller party. It seems smaller parties become the norm as they get older which is fine with me!
I don’t know what it is about kid’s birthdays. No matter how “simple” I try to keep it, it always ends up turning into a production. We do parties every other year in our house, and after a year of one fairly complex “Hunger Games” party conducted on a paintball field with a reaping, cornucopia, and capitol banquet for my 11-year old and a slumber party for my 9-year-old that six additional kids that didn’t RSVP (and whose parents I never met) showed up, I think for the year after next, I’m going to return to just shelling out the money to have someone like Stew Leonard conduct a simple two-hour self contained event. Here is a post I wrote early on about something like that:http://thesimpleyear.com/birthday-conundrum/
That was an awesome post, Kerry. I loved it. You are brave to have all those kids for a sleepover! The Hunger Games party does sound pretty cool but I can see why it would be stressful.