Am I the only one who is getting irritated by Facebook and social media? Don’t get me wrong – I love Facebook. I’m on there every day. I love seeing pictures of my friends and their kids. And there’s some really funny stuff on there.
But I read through my feed some days and wonder when it became one giant advertisement. And not just from businesses wanting to sell you something you don’t need and didn’t even know you wanted. Is it just me or is Facebook becoming the site for inadvertent PR campaigns for the kind of person or family we want other people to think we are or have? I could be wrong.
It just seems to me like Facebook has become synonymous with superficiality. Look at our new house! And our new car! And our vacation! And my dinner! And our perfect family photo! And this! And that!
But it’s not just houses, vacations and cars. It’s designer clothes and shoes and bags. And Girls Night Out. And black tie events. And check-ins at concerts, theaters and boutiques. And somebody wants 1 million likes. Or complaints about a business. Or a cryptic message about how the poster hates it when people do fill-in-the-blank and you’re left wondering if the post was really about you.
And all of this breeds a never ending cycle of comparison. If I want to see how my family “stacks up,” I can simply log on to Facebook or Instagram or Twitter. And it’s right there for me to see. Except that the view of people we see on social media isn’t the whole picture.
And let me just say that I don’t begrudge people any of their houses, cars, dinners out or vacations. I guess I’m just wondering when we moved away from dinner parties and potlucks as a way to connect with our friends to this virtual scrapbook format. We can connect with lots more people this way, sure, but in a very shallow way. I fully admit that I’ve engaged in the facade, too. And I’m left asking myself a lot of questions.
Why does everyone need to know when I’m hanging out with one of my besties for a few hours of girl talk and some wine? Do I need to broadcast to my entire social network that a whack job of a person was in the waiting room at my doctor’s office? And if you break down such a status update, isn’t that basically the same thing as being a gossip or making fun of someone? For what purpose? To make me feel better about myself?
Couldn’t I be doing something a little more productive? Like reading an awesome book or being observant enough to know that someone is having difficulty opening the door? The answer is yes. And when I think about it that way, I’m not that proud of myself.
For grins, I logged onto Facebook as I was writing this post, and the following types of status updates were in my feed:
- Posts related to politics (It’s ugly out there right now.)
- International and domestic travel posts
- A handful of happy or gratitude posts
- Educational Article links
- Something funny
- Look What I Just Bought posts
- Super cute photos
I love a good discussion of a controversial topic as much as the next person, but I don’t think Facebook is the best place for that discussion to occur. Attacking someone on Facebook probably isn’t going to make them see your side of things. Why don’t people with differing views on a subject get together for an old fashioned chat over coffee (or via Skype)? Where facial expressions and tone can be interpreted the way they were intended.
When I stopped to consider what was in my feed, I pretty quickly determined what wasn’t. And what was not in my feed is the real nitty gritty stuff of life. The hard stuff. The stuff that binds people together. What usually isn’t in my feed are descriptions of situations that make people sad, that expose a person’s fragility and unmasks whatever it is that they are trying to hide. Why is that?
It’s prettier, for sure, to paint a certain picture of your life to your “friends” online. But if you share your moments of weakness, admit you aren’t sure how to handle a situation, or open yourself up, you might learn something really, truly powerful. Like who your real friends are.
And that truth is sometimes hard to swallow. Because sometimes people you thought were your friends really aren’t. But when the dust settles and the sting subsides, your people will be there for you. And not just on Facebook. No, your people will be at your door. In real life. Usually with food.
I’m going to embrace the “Unfriend” and “Unfollow” buttons. I hope that by saying no, my feed won’t be so jammed full of stuff I don’t care about and I’ll be able to identify situations where I can say yes to my people. Yes to building deeper friendships. Yes to living a life not tethered to my computer and smartphone. Yes to my kids. Yes to Stephen. Yes to myself.
I’d rather invest my time and energy on the people on whom I can count. Not those who merely keep count.