Day 69

I  feel like I have spent a great deal of time talking about how things are difficult.  For instance,  I keep forgetting to look for used gardening gloves (and just for the record, winter gloves don’t work that well) or that the fiscal reward isn’t always as great as one would expect (i.e. It is more expensive to repair a garage door opener than to replace it)

This is Part 1 of a 4 part Vacation Series* in which I will write about things that I have actually simplified. 

I have an acquaintance that I once heard pick up a solicitor’s call and suddenly start speaking gibberish that sounded like a plausible foreign language.  He kept shouting with a vague Eastern European sounding  accent, “NO ANGLEEESH, A SPEKA FRESNAILIA?”, until said solicitor just finally hung up.  I was pretty impressed, but have personally never been able to pull off this complicated sham–without giggling.

Now, The Simple Year has made the whole solicitor thing much easier.  You know those guys who approach you pointing at those ratty pieces of paper and tell you if you buy their magazines, they will either win a trip around the world or it will keep them off of drugs (I have never been sure of the correlation here).  They are out there. I have seen whole vanloads of them dropped off at the entrance to housing additions.

Recently I was approached by one in the parking lot after I came out of Whole Foods, which shows he probably destined to fail at this game, since everyone knows that no one has any money when they leave Whole Foods.  He should catch them on the way in.

He starts his sales pitch and I interrupt with, “I’m sorry my family and I don’t buy anything new.”  At which point he starts explaining that I can send the magazines to a nursing home or as a gift.  Quickly, I said, “We don’t even do that.”

At that point he stowed his ratty paper in his pants–not his pocket, his pants– and just walked away, no more words, no additional strong arming or glaring looks.  It was just that easy.  It made all of the cuts and nicks I have from gardening barehanded worth it.

ME: 1

SOLICITOR: 0

You should try it.

*By Vacation Series, I mean the kids and I are on vacation at this moment probably trying really hard not to buy things like Iowa shaped guest soaps.